I Took Comfort In the Ache

The affliction shadowed over me like arms wrapping around from behind,

I cried,

I fucking cried,

I gave you everything but my tears.

The ache followed me around,

It lingered like my unfinished words,

It gave me warmth on the days I might have died cold,

On the days my hands shook seeing you with her.

The agony slept in my bed with me,

Spooning me,

Holding me,

It was my “You”.

The anguish clung to my spine,

I forgot how to stand straight without it,

I forgot how to breathe without it on my lungs,

Pulling me down.

I’ve forgotten how to live without the burden of my love.

I’ve forgotten how to live without the ache whispering your name.

I’ve forgotten how to forget you as well.

Must I beg? Plead maybe? Haven’t I done that?

And I cried, I gave you my tears, now they stain me.

They make me want to rip the skin off my cheeks.

They make me want to rip off any remembrance of you.

So what should I do now?

After all, I asked for it, didn’t I?